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The Malleable Human: Fact or Myth? |
by: Paul N. Dion
People change. Or do they? You hear tell of people who experience personal growth and "change" but do you ever wonder if the stories are true? Do people really change? Or is it just our perception of these people that changes?
Can you change people? Again, stories tell of a one person marrying another and then wanting to "change" them into someone else. Does this happen? Who changed whom and into what? How did they do it? And, how did the person who changed GET there?
To be sure, we'd all like to change things in other people from time to time. I personally would like to change a certain large group of people and have them stop propagating hate in this country. But, what are my chances? I can try to enlighten people's minds with facts and try to set a good example. I can support other like-minded people who think as I do and ban together. I can be as visible as an positive example as possible, but in the end, can I really change other people's minds about anything at all?
In our personal lives, we may be involved in an intimate relationship. Do we, through our interactions and through time itself, effect change in one another? Is that how it works? Or are we simply joined together in some special relationship dance that fosters growth that outwardly looks like change? Is there a difference?
Not everyone experiences growth. At least not the kind that is perceptible to others. Some people seem to be the same, always. We knew them 25 years ago and they sure look, sound, and act exactly the same now. Are they really that stagnant? How do they maintain that stasis in this crazy ever-changing world? What intrinsic superglue holds these people together?
On the other side of the spectrum, there are those we simply can't label or easily categorize at all. They change constantly from one type of person to another. Changing their look, their persona, and their environments easily, quickly, and often. Are we witnessing a rare event? Are these the people who really change?
When we talk about this elusive changeable human, we look for signposts and markers that make sense to us from our own personal viewpoint. We expect to see people change in a positive manner, in ways that we understand. I'm not sure this makes any sense at all, since the changes are occurring in someone else. Their experience, needs, and growth patterns will be going in a personal direction and this direction that may or may not be in line with our own agenda and preferences. Here's where perception becomes an important matter to consider.
What one person sees as growth might look like a developmental dead end to another. Perception is a limited experience. It is one person's window out. It usually isn't multi-dimensional. And, sometimes, the panes are tinted. I believe there is a small number of people whose windows are open. I try to keep those individuals close by. I enjoy the fresh air and unobstructed views.
But back to the issue at hand, how do you know if some one is changing, and is it really even possible?
We might all agree that growth is desirable. We would all like to think we have the capacity to become better people over time. And to be sure, we certainly do have the capacity to learn and adapt. In history, we see examples of people living one type of life, having an epiphany, and then living a totally different life, one perceived as imminently better. What outside force, if any, helped bring about this change?
When we see someone acting "out of character," are we witnessing the pangs of growth? Are we comfortable with this experience or do we prefer to keep things as they were… If we don't allow for variance and the unexpected, we can't hope for the seeds of change to germinate. Growth is sometimes accompanied by "growing pains." Sounds simple, but I think we sometimes forget.
Change is difficult for a lot of people. They see change as an upset in their world. They avoid change and try to keep things on an even keel. They do not like surprises and they certainly do not like hearing the other point of view. Change is a challenge they prefer not to meet. It is not greeted as an opportunity, rather it is seen as a burden or obstacle to their stability and life's direction.
Other people have a different view of change. They recognize the work that change brings but allow themselves to be enriched by the experience. They open their horizons and allow for a few surprises in their lives. These people are candidates for change, although we haven't really decided if that is even possible yet…
OK, let's just say it: People don't change.
Admit it, a lot of you feel better now. We live in the mundane world and we see the news. We've been to school, read the history books, and have personal life experience that tells us people can be a rough crew with which to work. We don't think people can change; yet inwardly, we hope they can. We want to believe that WE can change, and we hear a voice say: "What one person can do, another can also do…"
So, it may very well come down to this concept: If we believe that we can change ourselves, then it may be possible for others to change and even for us to have a part in that process.
When we think about the circumstances that allow us to grow and evolve and become more enlightened, are we not experiencing change? If nothing changes, then why does the world look different from one moment to the next? Are not seasons, geography, physics, and energetic phenomenon all at work constantly changing everything around us? If you don't think so, I invite you to look deeper into your world.
If change is ever-present, why are some people immune? Or is it that perception is again tricking us? The person described earlier as a non-changer…they do, in fact, age. They may have eaten corn flakes as a child and now enjoy salsa and chips. They may like to keep things the same but the universe may occasionally kick their butt with a lay-off from work, a death in the family, or a sudden urge to buy a new car. How is this different from the ever-changing person's experience? Change is change. Frequency and degree is often subjective and not a good indicator of validity.
And what about our ability to change others? Does it exist? In my experience, everything we encounter changes us in some way. It may just be a physical change, a sweet smelling rose may bring a smile, or the smell of crayons may evoke childhood memories. We don't walk through people on the sidewalk--we go around them. We walk up and down stairs and make our way through an environment that changes us at every turn. And, as people, we change each other significantly all the time.
A smile from a stranger can lighten our hearts when seen at a time when it is most needed. The familiarity of experience with another can change us in almost imperceptible ways. Mutual goals, consensus, and joint spiritual endeavor may all lead to growth, and yes, even to change.
Everyone changes.
We can't help from changing. It's hard-wired into our genes, and into our psyche. We are truly changelings. We ARE malleable humans that sometimes accelerate growth and sometimes drag our feet. We all go somewhere in life, even when the destination is unclear and the path is clouded. Energetically, we are ever changing, ever growing, ever experiencing.
To recognize this experience is to recognize growth in its purest form. They say perception is reality. Maybe we should change our perception to that multi-dimensional version in which the windows are thrown open, the fresh air pours in, and the view goes on and on and on…
